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Courage, Faith and Will: A Breakthrough With Tony Robbins

There are times in life when the bottom falls out –and absolutely everything goes wrong.

Unexpectedly, fate throws us a curve ball–and our safe and settled existence, as we had known it, falls apart.

We may sink into despair or depression; or get angry and lash out at others. Some fall into addiction. Many feel they’ve been victimized, that their luck has run out, and that their lives are over. Some may even contemplate suicide. (And 30,000 people do commit suicide in the U.S. every year.)

In my own life, I’ve been grateful to experience many peaks. But there have been some valleys too–times of extreme emotional pain when I’ve known the sting of rejection, reversals of fortune, disappointments in relationships, and health challenges too.

It’s at times like these that we all need a breakthrough–which is exactly what we’re going to get beginning this Tuesday, when NBC debuts a six-part reality series titled BREAKTHROUGH WITH TONY ROBBINS. I’ve seen a preview disc of the show and I can tell you that it is riveting.

As the world’s greatest peak performance coach, Tony has, over three decades, worked with three million people in 80 countries (including heads of state, professional athletes, corporate executives, film stars, and royalty). But for those who haven’t attended his seminars, read his books, listened to his tapes, or watched his videos, at last, he’s finally bringing his magic to television.

I can tell you that I’ve known Tony personally for many years–and have seen him in action at his signature seminars–Unleash The Power Within, Date With Destiny, and Life Mastery–and there are few people in this world who can give people the practical tools to transform misery to joy, the follow through to turn apathy to resourcefulness. But he can do it.

In this show, you’re going to meet people who have experienced deep pain and loss, those who are desperate for a new beginning, many of whom who have lost hope. This isn’t entertainment. Anyone with a problem is going to be inspired by the people Tony meets on this journey, and you’re going to apply the lessons learned to your own life.

Much of Breakthrough With Tony Robbins was filmed in Fiji

 

Tony will show us how to turn trauma around, finding inner strength where we didn’t think we had it. He’ll demonstrate that there’s always something we value greater than our pain. He’ll give us the faith and confidence to prevail over a disability, restoring emotional fitness and giving us the compelling future we all deserve.

A few months ago, I wrote here about a great lesson that I learned from Tony, one that is intimately connected to the theme of my new book.  As we travel through life, much as we want things to be safe and predictable, they rarely are. I sometimes wonder why things unfold in life exactly as they do. Can what happens to us be controlled and planned, or is much of it mere accident, fate, destiny–or perhaps another greater force at work as well?

In my own life, especially with Katie Up and Down The Hall being soon published,  I often reflect on why I became so intensely close to my neighbors down the hall.

What power was there in that red-carpeted 120-foot hallway that took me to places I never imagined, much like a magic carpet.

Do you ever play this game: “If I hadn’t just accidentally found myself in that elevator (or in that classroom, gym class, subway car, or party) at that exact moment in time, how would my entire life have been different? Maybe I never would have met my mate, or a key business connection, or a lifelong friend. Right!

Sometimes I just can’t believe the coincidence, things that happen at exactly the right moment. Sure this seems accidental–but as I’ve learned from Tony Robbins, what happens to us is greatly a product of what he has insightfully described as THE POWER OF PROXIMITY.

Simply put, it’s so often the people in our physical orbits–those in closest proximity–who will become the people most important to us. When you’re around someone in your environment, day after day, you notice their insight, humor, and unique talents–and the needs in them that call out to you for fulfillment. When we look to each other for companionship, love, and connection–we often get what we need.

That’s one key reason why my dog Katie and I became so close to our octogenarian friend, Pearl, and her husband Arthur, and the little boy Ryan, and his Dad, John. Katie and I needed connection–and we so fortuitously found it–just down the hall.

So as Tony often says to seminar participants: “Who, in your environment is nearby? Who’s literally in your field of vision? Who do you keep bumping into, over and over again?”

In this way, as he wisely concludes: “For most of us, proximity is the messenger of fate.”

I can tell you that it’s this principle that changed my life, and the life of my dog forever–and I bet it’s changing yours as well.

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Hachette Trailer Treat: Coming Attraction for Dog Lovers

For generations, moviegoers have been seduced into buying tickets for upcoming attractions by watching those all-important movie trailers, alluring previews that generate the ‘impulse buy,’ pulling you back into the theater for more. 

These 30-second trailers are elaborately produced, intended to incite in the viewer a visceral reaction. I think of them as Hors d’oeuvres, whetting your appetite for the main course. In fact, I often make my decisions about what movies I see based upon trailers, which ideally give you the flavor and texture of the story without giving the plot away.

While movie producers have banked on the power of trailers for years, it’s only in

History Precedes Book Evolution of Book Trailers

the last few years that the book industry is finally catching up, borrowing the concept by producing so-called “book trailers”– video advertisements for new releases that can be acted out using flash videos, animation, or simple still photos set to music (with optional narration), designed to build advance interest and sales.

It’s hard to believe that the first book trailer wasn’t produced until 2003! And it wasn’t until 2005 when user-generated online video upload became more popular that such trailers become a common reality on sites like MySpace, YouTube and iFilm. The cost of such trailers range from the bare bones low-end of $1500 to $15,000 and up toward $100,000 depending on productions values. But such trailers turn out to be invaluable as an author can use them on social networking sites, in their press kits, in presentations to book chains, on commercial sites selling books, at Book Expo America, and at book readings.

The Final Book Jacket Design

When I learned all this about a year ago, my goal was creating a book trailer of my own. After all, KATIE UP AND DOWN THE HALL is an emotional, highly-visual story that takes place along the Hudson River–with a very photogenic dog (Katie), an adorable little boy (Ryan), and a charismatic matriarach (Pearl), so I envisioned a book trailer that could capture the color and mood of the story.

Glenn, Ryan, Pearl, and Katie

But I didn’t get the idea of producing such a trailer until the great book coach, Ann McIndoo, suggested that I consult with with the renowned book marketing authority  John Kremer, who wrote a great book titled, 1001 Ways To Market Your Book. “If there’s one thing you should do, it’s build an Internet audience through social networking sites, one key tool to doing it being a book trailer.”

John defined the most effective book trailers as “poems with music,” consisting of three major elements–an inspiring message (the script), beautiful images (in my case, a montage of photographs that illustrate our family story), and atmospheric background music that matches the mood of the story. As an example of one trailer that got 40 million views, he sent me to thedashmovie.com.

So I set to work: The first thing I did was write a 4-minute script that would capture the essence of the story in an emotional way.  I started with the line: “Some of the best things that happen in life are purely accidental…an intuition can take you almost anywhere–even to a beautiful friendship when you least expect it. That’s what happened to me.” And then I transitioned to setting the scene by writing: “There’s a little town built on water with a never-ending parade of sailboats, ferries, and cruise ships.
Into this world arrived a homely little puppy with skinny legs and gigantic ears.”

Pitiful As A Puppy

That, of course, is the star of the book, Katie. And on it went.

Next, I combed through 20 of my scrapbooks, each identified by theme, choosing the most expressive pictures I could find. I eventually wound up with 300 “finalists,” that told the entire story of our 16 years together. From this pool of photos, I eventually narrowed it down to 65 pictures to tell the story of KATIE.

Finally, I needed to find background music that would match the mood of the story–and hopefully evoke in viewers an emotional reaction. One night, I found a great movie on cable titled “My Dog Skip,” and as soon as I heard the film score, I knew it was perfect for my story.

Photo Perfect Brandon Williams

And now, with all three elements chosen, I needed a video and sound editor to put it all together. It’s fitting that since my book is all about building a family from neighbors–I was able to build my book trailer the same way! One of my best friends is the brilliant Broadway and TV actor, comic, voice-over artist, and screenwriter Brandon Williams, who lives fifteen floors above me with his wife Sheila and their two young sons. Brandon has the most mellifluous voice–almost haunting in its expressiveness–and I felt he was the perfect person to record the trailer voice-over. As if all his other talents weren’t sufficient, Brandon, I quickly discovered, is also a skilled video editor. Brandon arranged the photos in the right order, matching the meaning of the script to the image, creatively panning and zooming on pictures, coordinating the final look of the trailer.

There was only one thing missing–a sound editor to record the voice-over and edit the film score to match the flow and meaning of the words. I lucked out knowing Diego Costa,

Diego Costa

a skilled musician and audio editor, who again, lives right in my building, 20 floors above me with his wife Daniela and their two young sons.  Don’t I have great neighbors?!

Diego and Brandon Recording Katie Book Trailer in my Dining Room

So rather than going into a recording studio or hiring a producer or video editor, we produced my book trailer right at home in my dining room! There we sat, and in just 3 hours, we recorded the script, edited the music, and then Brandon, over a period of just a few days, put the pieces all together. Taking the pictures of the session was Brandon’s talented wife, Sheila of Sheila Williams Photography.

The final result speaks for itself. Just click and see. I have to tell you that I’ve screened this trailer for many people–kids, seniors, businessmen, dog lovers, and those not even interested in dogs–and the reaction has been startling. Almost everybody who sees it cries! Why? I think it’s because each of us has a child, or a grandmother, or a best friend, or a dog in our lives who we’ve bonded with deeply–and who we’ve ultimately lost, due to the inevitability of death or separation.

Well, there you have the story of my book trailer. I recently found the trailer posted on the Barnes & Noble web site, pictured here. It makes me feel great to share the story of our lives with families and dog lovers everywhere. And if you come to the Barnes & Noble bookreading on September 16th, we’re going to have a special screening of the trailer, the evening hosted New York legendary journalist Liz Smith.

In the meantime, I hope you’ll watch the trailer–and let me know what you think of it.

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Vim & Vigor: The Happiest Friend I Know

One of the enduring pleasures of life (and a key component to the message of Katie Up and Down The Hall) is the phenomenon of intergenerational relationships.

My best friend and mentor down the hall, the heroine of my book, PEARL

The Ebullient Bud

I can tell you that nothing beats the friendships I’ve had with people older than me–wise souls who have been my mentors, confidantes, companions, and best friends. The value, comfort, and enjoyment found in such friendships can forever change your life.

Bud and Kim at their Ct. wedding, 9/19/09, a very MODERN thing to for an octogenarian

My charismatic grandmother, Essie, with the star of my book, Katie

I was incredibly close to my maternal grandmother, Essie,

Together with my grandmother, Essie, at my Horowitz booksigning

who is featured in the KATIE book; and in keeping with the theme that “a family is anything you want it to be,” I was equally close to the heroine of my book, Pearl, who was Katie’s devoted keeper and my down the hall comrade-in-arms for 16 years.

Pearl with Katie, Ryan, and Me

And although forty years separated us, I felt as if we were complete contemporaries, able to talk about anything and everything, exchanging ideas and experiences bringing us ever closer.

I’ve been equally blessed to have in my life many other sages, my current all-time favorite being my 88-year-old friend Bud–who I always call “the youngest friend I know” in terms of his spirit, vim, and all-important vigor.

You won’t find anyone with more optimism, enjoyment for life, or a calendar filled with more social engagements.

Intelligent, quick-witted, well-informed, Bud is featured in KATIE in a cameo role, as he was one of Pearl’s friends who shared with her a love of the Broadway theater. In fact, Bud loved it when Pearl would bring over her vintage collection of Broadway programs, reminiscing about productions dating back to the 1920’s and 30’s. (Pearl would shoo Katie away when she tried to “peruse” one with her teeth.)

“It was great meeting someone even older than me who could present something from the past,” Bud reflected, “and we always played a little

My favorite picture of Bud and me taken on “his” bench in Central Park

quiz about our favorite shows.” Indeed.

Nowadays, whether Bud is out on the town–backstage greeting his longtime friend, Broadway great Elaine Stritch, having a brunch with Tony Bennett, lunching with Liza Minelli, or savoring Sunday brunches at the Algonquin Hotel–where his close friend, brilliant pianist Barbara Carroll performs each week–Bud is a unique figure in New York cafe society, and a wonderful friend to me.

I begin nearly every morning with a phone conversation with him–drawing from his unbeatable perspective and wisdom. I know that when I ask his advice about something–I’m going to get a great answer. And more than anything, he’s just fun to talk to!

A retired fashion executive typically dapper in a snappy bow-tie, this octogenarian is consumed by his passions,  traveling to London, taking three cruises per year, devouring baseball and tennis, art and music.

I sometimes wonder where he gets all the energy, high spirits, and overall happiness–which is why, a few years ago, I interviewed him for FAMILY CIRCLE. In that interview, he confides that although he has faced divorce, alcoholism, and a bout with cancer, (maybe because of it all), he has honed a sense of  contentment, an uncomplaining nature, that makes him a magnet to anyone needing a lift.

The photogenic Bud

Here’s what he told the magazine:

“Keeping my attitude ‘up’ is from training! It’s something I learned at an early age from my mother, a very practical, grateful woman, who lived to be 97. Neither she,nor my father, who was an extreme optimist, would tolerate much complaining. So I wasn’t brought up with pessimism or a lot of whining. For me, I find that happiness is being surrounded by people with a positive outlook, which helps exorcise the demons that can bring anybody down–resentment, anger, guilt, or shame. To maintain my equilibrium, those demons must not be encouraged. I actually police them, don’t allow them to penetrate my soul.

One of many birthday parties held at my apartment

“When I’m beginning to feel negative, I automatically ‘switch channels’ and turn to my builder-upper friends with positive vibes. Wherever I go, I’ve got my eyes open for a dose of smiles. Just yesterday I saw a baby on the street who was beaming up at me from her carriage. It was just as if I was getting a huge dose of positive thinking from this smiling infant,  who had no clue what happened yesterday, no regrets or worries like we do. I recognized that this 7-month year old had a better key to life than we do when we’re riddled with toxic emotions that stand in the way of letting us appreciate what God’s given us.

“In order for me to be happy, I pragmatically maximize on what is actually available. Happiness depends on having realistic objectives in life. I don’t set myself up for disappointment. I feel grateful for what I have and don’t pine for what I don’t have. I have a lot of younger friends who keep me vital and energized. That’s key. I have my companion, Kim, the foundation of my happiness. He is pure giving, unconditional generosity, loyalty, an unbelievable spirit–a person with real empathy who provides support without guile.

“I also have a very close relationship with my son and my 27-year-old grandson, Jason, a really talented guitarist who is following his passion. We e-mail each other regularly, discussing music and his future. I have an I-Mac computer and it’s fantastic being online. It’s a great way of communicating, finding out information, and organizing things. I have a rent-controlled apartment  I’ve been living in for 47 years and I’m grateful for it.

“What else makes me happy? I’ve volunteered on an AIDS hotline for 12 1/2 years and it’s important to feel I’ve positively affected somebody’s life. I love the Yankees and know every batting average, and which players are being traded. I’ve been going to the Broadway theatre for 65 years–and  get absolute joy from it. I feel blessed that I live in a city where I can’t get enough of it.

“I also have a passion for travel and pride myself on doing it reasonably. I go on cruises, trips to London for more theater, and, since I turned 78, have taken art tours. I’ve recently learned about 18th-century French art and Dutch painting, and feel more passionate about it than when I was in college.

“All this keeps my mind churning and learning. I focus on people, places, and things that feed my self-esteem. I’m living the life I’ve always dreamed about. Sure, I’m human and I have mood swings–life isn’t ‘Cinderella.’ But you can learn to focus on the positive. I turn to flowers, to Central Park, to a song that recalls a happy moment, to meditating, praying.

I don’t feel 88. I feel GOOD! So the chronological number doesn’t matter to me. I handle loss realistically. When my contemporaries get sick or pass away, sure it’s sad.  But I’m still functioning and can’t let it get me down. It’s just another sign to maximize on today, to make every minute count. . Everybody has more gifts than defects, and the secret of happiness is maximizing on them. Lose yourself in your passion. Give music, reading, walking, exercising,recalling happy days a chance. Feel lucky. I do. In fact, the luckiest thing is that I’m NOT a victim of my expectations. The horizon you imagine is always within your reach.

On a recent Carribean cruise, reading an advance galley of Katie

In short, Bud epitomizes the definition of happiness, as Deepak Chopra described it to me in the same magazine article:

“Happiness,” Chopra believes, “is having a sense of wonder at being alive. It’s being grateful for what you have, having a task at hand that you wish to do, knowing what your purpose in life is, and the willingness to accept challenges and ultimately accept and embrace the mystery of our existence.”

That’s Bud!

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Everything A Boy (And Dog) Could Ask For–And More

"The Kid"

Although my astutely-intelligent cocker spaniel is the star of KATIE UP AND DOWN THE HALL– equally cute (as any dog!) is one of the book’s other main characters—an adorable boy named Ryan. We nicknamed him “The Kid,” and, together with his Dad, John, they were our neighbors down the hall, along with octogenarians Pearl and Arthur.

When I first met Ryan, he was a rambunctious three-year-old, incredibly cute as he whirled around and around with Katie, outfitted in a Mickey Mouse T-shirt, blue corduroy pants, and black-and-white sneakers (with blinking red lights that illuminated when he ran.) He reminded me of Dennis the Menace—a boy filled with high spirits and mischievous plans.

Over the years, Katie and Ryan grew up together—from their puppyish years to adolescence—becoming lifelong friends.

A Boy And A Dog, bonded for life

Ryan furiously raced my dog up and down our 120-foot red-carpeted hallway until they were both breathlessly exhausted. I set them up at an imaginary starting line for hallway races, and Ryan would always attempt to outrun Katie, but she slyly cheated by jumping the line. “Not fair!” Ryan would holler,  both of them lining up again. In quieter moments, Ryan would giggle for hours chasing my dog, cuddling in bed with her, taking bubble baths with her, feeding her bagels and crackers, introducing her to his friends, and, at night, falling peacefully asleep against her, Katie’s paws placed protectively on his chest.

Ryan's Dad John and Katie the first year we met

Ryan’s father, John, a single Dad who worked for a major metropolian newspaper, often needed help babysitting Ryan—and we were only too happy to pitch in. In fact, this little boy became the light of our lives—a surrogate grandson to the matriarch of the family, Pearl, and a little brother to me. He raced in and out of our apartments constantly, dragging along his stuffed animals, games, puzzles, finger paints, Game Boy, and soccer balls.

The Famous Hallway shot that appeared in Family Circle magazine

Most poignant to me was watching the evolution of his relationship  to Pearl, who had never been able to have children of her own. So at last, in her 80’s, she had finally found a child who needed her. She whipped up the greatest dinners, spoiling Ryan with her famous chocolate pie. She was Ryan’s grandmother. She truly was. And Ryan, who had no grandmother of his own, reveled in his closeness to Pearl, and would wrap his arms around her, hugging her close. It made me happy to see how much Pearl was reinvigorated by the closeness to Ryan and by her new responsibility.

If you want to read all about Pearl’s relationship to Ryan, and Ryan’s to Katie, don’t miss a chapter in the book titled: “Ready, Set, Go!”  Here’s a little excerpt of it:

“This twosome, seventy-eight years apart, could be heard giggling for hours at Pearl’s dining table as they talked about school and played cards together. “Granny really knows how to play,” Ryan told John, “and she usually beats me.”

Sometimes I’d find them finger-painting at the table or putting together a model airplane. Ryan was also interested in Pearl’s collection of old vinyl LP’s. “Choose one,” she’d smile, and a few minutes later I’d find them singing and dancing together to Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin, or to the soundtrack of  ”My Fair Lady.”

At Halloween, Granny surprised Ryan by wearing a monster mask when he trick-or-treated at her door.

At Thanksgiving, she stuffed him with turkey.

Ryan and "Daddy John"

At Chrismas, she reached up to the top of the tree to position the star.

And on his birthday, she helped blow out that last stubborn candle, wiping choclate off his face.

The eternal love of grandmother and grandson

But nothing lasts forever, nothing except the enduring bond of family, that can never be truly broken apart, even by inevitable separations, for the lovely relationship between Katie, Ryan, John, Pearl, and me, is something we’ll never forget. I’ll bring you up to date on Ryan next time!

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